ChicMe WW

To the stranger to who criticised me for not breastfeeding, how dare you?

By Nikolina Koevska Kharoufeh |

B?reastfeeding was not the magical experience I wanted it to be. ?

For various reasons I switched over to formula for my first son Noah when he was just under three months old and Leo when he was about eight weeks old.

While I now know that feeding your baby formula is nothing to be shameful of, it admittedly took me a long time to accept the fact that I never got to breastfeed my kids for as long as I wanted to.

So when I was asked online by a stranger whether I chose not to breastfeed so I could have a social life, I cried. I sat in my bed reading the comment over and over and cried. ?

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Nikolina and her two sons Noah and Leo Kharoufeh.
Nikolina and her two sons Noah and Leo Kharoufeh. (Supplied)

Upon reflection, I was pretty taken aback by my emotional reaction to reading such a comment.

As a mum of two-under-two who regularly shares her chaotic life online with other parents, you learn pretty quickly to ignore the mum shamers and those who make it their mission to judge others.

It was just last week I admitted I don't even shower every day... ?

But I guess the tears that came when I read that comment were an indication that my breastfeeding journey may have impacted me more than I thought.

The question was posed to me while I was hosting a Q&A on my Instagram page allowing followers to ask me anything to do with my return to work.

I had been back at work for just a couple of weeks following eight months of maternity leave with my second son, and was feeling really good about my new routine.

Among other questions such as 'Any tips on getting everyone out the door quickly in the mornings?' and 'Do you meal prep all your baby's food?' the sneaky little breastfeeding question came through.

?"Did you not breastfeed to have a social life?" a mum asked me.

I didn't answer the question at the time. After it brought tears to my eyes I tried to just ignore it and not tend to it.

But I think it's important I do.

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The comment was submitted on a Q&A Nikolina was hosting on her Instagram.
The comment was submitted on a Q&A Nikolina was hosting on her Instagram. (Instagram @heynikolinak)

?Whether I breastfed for a short amount of time, a long time, or even not at all - whatever my breastfeeding journey was, it does not have to be justified.

But here is my breastfeeding story.

W?hen I had my first son Noah breastfeeding was truly one of the parts of motherhood that I struggled with the most.

I wasn't prepared for how tricky it would be, and the fact that it was a skill that I really had to learn.

You could say I was a little ignorant to the fact that breastfeeding doesn't just come naturally the minute you become a mum.

I struggled to get a hang of it, developed a painful form of mastitis and it took me months to get over the fact that I moved him over to formula just before he was three months.

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Prior to her appearance on Today Extra, Nikolina was pumping in the bathrooms at just two weeks post-partum.
Prior to her appearance on Today Extra, Nikolina was pumping in the bathrooms at just two weeks post-partum. (Supplied)

Part of me was ashamed that I did. I felt like I had physically failed as a mum and as a woman, not being able to do the one thing I thought my body was meant to be able to do. ?

With my second, I hoped it would be different. But it wasn't.

Similar struggles and a lack of supply led me to switch little Leo over to formula at eight weeks old. By this point in time, I was much more comfortable with the decision and didn't feel the immense shame I did with Noah, but I was sad.

I was sad that once again I didn't get the chance to bask in the joy I saw other mums experience when breastfeeding their baby.

Even now, nine months later that sadness creeps in.

If I sit with a friend who is breastfeeding her baby, I feel a little tug on my heart that makes me feel like I missed out.

And I was sad again when I read that confronting question.

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Nikolina Kharoufeh with her two sons Noah and Leo.
Nikolina Kharoufeh with her two sons Noah and Leo. (Supplied)

So please don't ask me or any other mum about why their breastfeeding journey came to an end.

Who are you to assume that it was for social life reasons?

Who are you to ?judge even if it was?

And, who are you to trigger that sadness inside of me again?

?You're a mum yourself. You should know better.

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