Unsealed Section: Why men should make noise in the bedroom, especially if it's for their ears only
By Bronte Gossling|
The year 1989 saw the birth of many essentials we still rely on to this day จC Sir Tim Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Web, December 13 saw the safe delivery of one Taylor Alison Swift in Pennsylvania, and what started as a humble Nora Ephron script sparked the most iconic one-liner in the history of cinema.
"I'll have what she's having."
The implications of those five famous famous words persist to this day, especially in wider discussions as to the performative nature of sex and reasons why people (especially vulva-owners) fake orgasms.
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We're not going to go into the debate as to if penis-owners can recognise a fake orgasm either during partnered sex or at Manhattan's Katz's Delicatessen, but what we will say is ?When Harry Met Sally... had one thing right จC noise is an indicator as to if someone is genuinely enjoying themselves during sexual activity, with 82 per cent of women saying their partner moaning makes them more aroused.
New research also suggests noise can make ?sexual activity, particularly masturbation, even more pleasurable จC but a large group of those surveyed aren't taking advantage of this.
According to a global survey commissioned by men's pleasure brand Arcwave, 91 per cent of men who moan when they masturbate say they do it because they're enjoying themselves, with 74 per cent saying moaning during masturbation makes their orgasms "more intense", and 65 per cent saying they do it to feel closer to themselves.
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Although Arcwave found men, on average, masturbate 145 times per year, for 40 per cent of them, ?it's a silent activity?.
Despite the benefits of moaning during masturbation, 55 per cent of those who do it quietly say they do so because they're afraid of being heard, with 40 per cent saying they feel too self-conscious to do so, and 35 per cent saying they find it embarrassing and uncomfortable.
The shame and stigma surrounding men's masturbation, Arcwave sex and relationship therapist ?Cam Fraser says, has got to stop.
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We know that, first and foremost, ?there are health benefits to masturbation. But beyond a practical standpoint, Fraser emphasises there's nothing wrong with engaging in self-pleasure purely for the sake of pleasure, and that despite common societal "hang ups" about what men's masturbation should look like, a one-size-fits-all approach isn't always the best thing for such a personal experience.
"We live in a society where [noise is] not really encouraged, right? It's something that people have a lot of fear in general around, so that is dialed up even more in a sexual setting because of the layered shame around sexuality," Fraser tells 9Honey.
Fraser highlights how research shows a link between noise and pain, in how vocalisations or exclamations can act as a relief of sorts and reduce discomfort. He also argues this could work inversely, with anecdotal evidence suggesting vocalsiations can increase pleasure.
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Further, Fraser emphasises working through the stigma and fear surrounding masturbation by making noise ?can boost self-esteem.
"It's quite empowering as well to make noise when you're experiencing pleasure or to make noise in general," Fraser says. "To feel comfortable making noise can be quite liberating experience."
He also highlights how making noise when having solo sex "translates very nicely" to partnered sex, as it builds connection and heightens arousal.
"The more comfortable you get moaning by yourself, the more comfortable you'll feel doing so with a partner and this can really heighten the pleasure you both experience together. Hearing their partner make noises of pleasure is a turn on for a lot of people," Fraser says.
But, Fraser acknowledges, making noise when having solo or partnered sex is not for everyone.?
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"When the moaning comes from an authentic, genuine place, it tends to make the experience a lot more pleasurable, but if it's being put on and it's not necessarily authentic, then it can make the experience seem a little bit performative or that it doesn't feel right," Fraser says.
"So I would encourage discernment around that, like, does it feel good for you to do it?" he continues.
"For some people, they might have a lot of hang ups around making noise, for example, and getting them to moan might trigger a lot of shame for them. And so the actual process of working through that shame might be what needs to happen before they actually start making any noise at all, because the the act of making noise might really bring up a lot of stuff for them."
If being more vocal is during solo sex in particular is what you're looking for, Fraser recommends, to get started, making sure no one is home, or playing music at a higher volume.
Music not only provides a sense of safety to lean into moaning, but an added bonus is, according to Fraser, that it can help you get into a rhythm during masturbation.
When it comes to the moaning itself, ?Fraser recommends breathing slightly deeper and with a little more power than usual, gradually adding a sigh to your exhale and increasing the volume.
Contact Bronte Gossling at bgossling@nine.com.au.
