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'Impossible to put into words': A father's journey navigating childhood cancer

By 9Honey|

Karl's youngest daughter Brooke passed away in 2015, aged 15.

Brooke was diagnosed with her first brain tumour at the age of two, a second one at five and then her third and final tumour appeared at 14.

After multiple visits to the GP and not getting answers, the doctors did a scan of Brooke's brain. Within a few hours of Brooke being admitted to hospital, her journey began.

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Karl with his youngest daughter Brooke before she passed away.
Karl with his youngest daughter Brooke before she passed away. (Supplied)

The very next day the surgeons removed a tumour the size of a golf ball. After Brooke's surgery and 12 months of intensive chemotherapy, she reached remission and returned home.

"It's just impossible to put into words how you feel at that moment," Karl says.

"From having two healthy children, to suddenly, your daughter's got leads coming out of her in intensive care.

"The doctors gave us the worst-case scenario, that the life expectancy for children and adults with brain cancer is only two to five years, they hit you with that straight away. Olivia and I were speechless."

Listen to the latest episode of our podcast called Kids Cancer Conversations here, or by pressing play on below.

Karl talks about feeling the immense sense of responsibility, in his role as a father, to hold it together for his family on the latest episode of Kid's Cancer Conversations.

"Mental health awareness has come so far in the last ten years. All I was thinking was, 'I've got to provide, I've got to make sure I look after Rochelle, I have to provide for the family'.

"Brooke got through that first twelve months and we celebrated every scan three months, six months and then three years later the scan came back. The tumour had returned.

"By this stage Brooke was old enough to have radiotherapy and then after that she was nine years free from cancer."

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Karl and his wife after Brooke passed away.
Karl and his wife after Brooke passed away. (Supplied)

Karl recalls how he handled his emotions while Brooke was going through treatment and for the first few years after Brooke passed away.?

"Unfortunately, my wife bore a lot of my anger, and when we were going through this, our social network became smaller, so it was just me, my wife, and our children.

"I was pouring the anger out on my wife. I have a lot of regrets about that. As a man I was initially too proud to ask for help. I thought I didn't need to see a counsellor and I could deal with things myself, but I'm just so glad I got the help that I did.

"After Brooke passed away, I was speaking to an amazing counsellor and I have come a long way with my mental health, and I've come to realise that my wife is the most important person in my life.

"I cried every day for over four years and I used to reflect on myself asking, 'how many tears do I still have left? How long can I keep crying?'

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"As time's gone by, that's eased. It took me eighteen months to acknowledge that Olivia was grieving differently to me and also for her to acknowledge that I was dealing, grieving differently to her.

"When we started to acknowledge each other and respected each other's grief that's when everything started to come good. We were so blind to it for so long and that's grief, the struggles of the cancer journey, the treatment journey, you know, the arguments, the frustration, it just puts so much tension into a family.

"When all you're trying to do is look after your child and take care of her and hopefully take her home.

"Brooke never wanted to show she was giving up because she'd already survived brain cancer twice in her mind. She was determined to do it again. She just never stopped fighting."

Kids Cancer Conversations hosted by Georgie Gardner is a podcast made in collaboration with RedKite, the podcast seeks to explore the hidden side of Childhood Cancer, the non-medical part that often gets missed on the cancer journey.

Episode six of Kids Cancer Conversations with Georgie Gardner is available now wherever you get your podcasts.

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