'Do whatever it takes': Why Aussies like Dimity are spending tens of thousands of dollars on a dream not guaranteed
By Bronte Gossling|
Being a mother is something Dimity Smith has wanted ever since she can remember.
"I have the most amazing family and I have the most wonderful nephews and my friends have the most beautiful kids, and babies are just something that I've always loved," Smith tells 9Honey.
While for many, having a partner isn't a requirement ?on their path to parenthood, for Smith, it is. And up until almost two years ago, the now-35-year-old thought she was on track to achieving that white picket fence dream จC until she "unexpectedly" wasn't.
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Smith had been in a relationship with her partner for "a few years" when she moved across New South Wales from Moree to Tamworth in order to be closer to her family amid COVID-19 and its associated lockdowns.
It wasn't her move, however, that was the problem. Rather, the "deal breaker" was when her partner vocalised the fact he'd changed his mind about having kids, something she doesn't hold against him but was a "tough" matter that saw their relationship end in April 2021.
"It could have been any most wonderful guy [that didn't want to have kids], but that's just not something I would give up," Smith, who didn't want to "waste any more time", says. "It was just too important to me as one of my values."
At 34, Smith found herself suddenly starting over as the clock's hands edged closer to midnight.
While ?in theory, women are usually "fertile" until menopause, the NSW State Government's guidelines highlight 35 as the general age to pay attention to.
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According to ?Monash IVF Fertility Specialist Dr Giselle Crawford, however, while there's no set age of infertility, that doesn't mean age is not a factor to be considered. In fact, it's an integral one.
"I often say we prefer to see you closer to 30 rather than closer to 40 for best outcomes," Crawford tells 9Honey. "Once women are rapidly approaching 40 or afterwards, it's certainly less of a viable option in terms of the outcomes that we can achieve for both women."
Crawford says that when it comes to egg freezing, fertilised eggs จC embryos จC are usually "more robust" as they have more cells than a single-cell unfertlised egg. As such, that's the option often encouraged for those closer to 40.
Freezing embryos, however, is not always a "viable" option for singles that would prefer to have children with a partner rather than using donor sperm. This was now the case for Smith, who, on her mother's suggestion, looked into egg freezing as an "insurance policy" following her breakup.
"It's my way of providing a safety net in case [conception without medical intervention] can't happen for me," Smith says.
Eight months after the split, Smith found herself in Sydney undergoing her first round of egg freezing. But it wasn't just a five-hour drive that got her there จC and for many Australians, financial barriers prevent them from even starting the car's engine.
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Egg freezing is exactly what it sounds like จC eggs are retrieved from the patient's uterus, usually in a day surgery under sedation or anesthetic, frozen, and then stored.
First comes an initial consultation with a GP, gynaecologist or fertility specialist to discuss whether, in theory, it's the right fit for the patient. Then comes the practical tests that truly make that judgement จC medical history checks, blood tests, pelvic ultrasounds, infection checks, egg reserves checks. Once the patient gets the all clear, then the (usually) two-week-long hormone preparation, retrieval and freezing process starts in earnest.
But that's only if you can afford it.
Crawford "ballparks" egg freezing to ?cost upfront between $7000 to $11,000 per cycle. Some patients are eligible for a Medicare rebate, but not everyone qualifies. Some people also have the option to access their superannuation to financially support their fertility treatments, though this has other long-term financial implications จC and, with women already disproportionately at a disadvantage when it comes to retirement funds, it's not always something they want to resort to.
This also doesn't include costs of taking time off work for the procedure and recovery, other miscellaneous costs or costs of any further testing, nor the further costs of then having to undergo in vitro fertilisation (IVF) to complete the pregnancy process if enough "viable" eggs have been retrieved. And if you're not ready for IVF, the cost of storing the frozen eggs, which varies depending on the provider but is usually around $500 annually, is also extra.
There's also the physical and emotional cost of the procedure จC not every egg retrieval, which can have hormonal side effects and further risks, is successful, let alone sperm retrieval, fertilisation, and embryo transfer if you're continuing with IVF. And if you're not, there's the matter of egg disposal and all the implications that come with it.
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Despite all of the above, Smith considers herself to be in a "lucky" position for a few reasons.
Although she's based in a rural area affected by the health crisis, which limits the physical accessibility of egg freezing services จC trying to get an initial scan in Tamworth, she says, was a "nightmare" จC she owns her own business. This means Smith, as the Events & Marketing Director of GRO Events Group, can usually ?"work from anywhere" as long as she has her laptop. Other people, however, may not have the luxury of that flexibility when it comes to either working remotely or taking leave.
Lucky, however, is still a relative term. ?The first round of egg freezing was something Smith found "really stressful" as she "didn't know what to expect" with all the blood tests and scans.
Having paid $11,000 ?for it plus thousands in travel and accommodation costs for both herself and her mother จC who was also losing a week's worth of her contribution to the family dairy farm while in Sydney supporting her daughter จC Smith was hopeful it would be a one-and-done situation. That wasn't the case, however, and although three ?eggs were retrieved in the first round, Smith says it wasn't as much as she'd hoped, which left her "freaking out."
"I was devastated when I only got that many, and, you know, some people only get one, but I was devastated because I thought I'd get plenty more," Smith says.
While her parents financially contributed to the first round and she did get $5000 back through Medicare, she wasn't sure if that would happen a second time. And $11,000, for her, is a significant sum จC but with time running out to future-proof her dream, she didn't really have a choice.
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"I was like, 'Far out', but I just, I know I've got a window and so I kind of was like, 'I'm just going to have to take the financial hit,'" Smith says, noting it's a "small price to pay" for something she considers "way more important than anything else."
"I'm very fortunate I don't have a low ovarian reserve, but again, age is such a factor," Smith says. "You just can't risk it. You just don't know what's going to happen 100 per cent."
The second time around, Smith was ready. She paid the $11,000 out of pocket again, got the Medicare rebate again, and reduced costs by staying with her best friend outside of the city for 10 days, catching the train into Monash IVF's Sydney CBD clinic.
This time, 10 eggs were retrieved, and now she has 13 up her sleeve for the day she's hopeful will come จC the chance for her, if needed through IVF, to "have a baby with someone [she adores]."
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Contact Bronte Gossling at bgossling@nine.com.au.
But with the rising cost-of-living crisis and being a small business owner, Smith says the flexibility she had with taking the time to undergo egg freezing twice may not always exist, and if she undergoes IVF in the future, it may be more of a pinch.
With IVF, however, ?she'll be able to apply for a rebate through the NSW Government's $80 million Affordable IVF initiative จC something Treasurer Matt Kean says has paid out over 2200 rebates since applications opened on January 1, 2023.
Yesterday, ?NSW Liberals announced that they'd expand the existing scheme by $4 million and include egg freezing, which over 1000 women in NSW undergo each year, in the eligibility criteria should they win the state election on March 25.
Smith says the possibility of a $2000 egg freezing rebate is "amazing" and, based off her personal experience, would be of vital assistance to others who may have "put it off" or might "miss the opportunity" as they "could not afford it".
"Since I got that second round done and I got the extra 10 eggs, a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders," Smith, who knows it's not a guarantee she'll have a baby despite the egg freezing, says.
"I feel [I'm] in a safer position to hopefully become a mum one day," she says.
"I really, really want to be a mum and I'll do whatever I need to do to make that happen. And I know that I'll be a good mum one day."
The medical information in this article is general in nature. Please always seek advice from your doctor to ensure that it addresses your specific health needs.
