Mum concerned after pet 'mistake': 'I think I've broken my children'
By Jo Abi|
I think I've broken my children, my little boy Giovanni in particular. We've been fostering rescue kittens for a couple of years and out of approximately 20, we've lost two.
I started fostering kittens to help Giovanni who is autistic, and has limited interactions with others.
He took to it surprisingly well, stepping up immediately to help and becoming the one who consistently kept up the feeding, cleaning and caring schedules while I was at work and his older brother and younger sister got a little distracted.
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We lost Phoebe and we lost Ollie, two little kittens who just failed to thrive, despite us doing all that we knew how to do.
But each time we learned so much and lately we've had a really good run.
Until Hannah arrived in a group of three and while she was okay at first, soon she started struggling.
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The vet said she was suffering from Fading Kitten Syndrome, which is a capture-all term for kittens who are sick but they don't quite know why.
She told us each time Hannah had taken a "turn" and to put her in the carrier with a water bottle and a blanket and drip sugar water into her mouth every few minutes, which we did about eight times over the course of two weeks for hours.
We didn't think she'd make it and Giovanni was so upset and cracked the whip over her sugar water schedule so badly I twigged that he was very anxious and upset about losing her.
She recovered, by some miracle, and is perfect now.
Then one of our budgies dropped dead, and Giovanni refused to say goodbye to him or come to his burial in my mum's backyard where all our lost pets are buried.
I asked Philip and Kitty if they still wanted to foster kittens and they said they did, and Giovanni said he wasn't sure.
I'm worried that they are learning too many pet loss lessons through our volunteer work and maybe we should dial back.
We love each and every one of them like they are our own and each loss is devastating.
Dr Katrina Warren explained the death of a pet is a "oftentimes a child's first experience with loss" and their grief is real.
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"?Children don't always express their grief in the way adults do," she said. "Allow them to see your own grief and sadness and explain to them why you are sad."
Warren says two of the hardest days of her life was when her cats passed away.
"I remember this day like it as yesterday and I was absolutely distraught," she said.
"?Children don't always express their grief in the way adults do."
"I slept with his collar on my pillow for months. The second was when our beautiful cat, Mr. Fox passed away in front of my own daughter when she was ten. It was her first experience of death and it was hard to watch her grieving for her 'best friend' จC these moments are significant, and shape our lives."
She explained to her daughter that "death is a part of life" and "we hurt so much because we loved them so much. Our pets teach children so much; how to care for another living being, nurturing and social skills and about love and loss.?"
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Psychologist Sandy Rea says parents who are concerned their children are struggling after the loss of a pet can look out for signs of "withdrawl and not wanting to talk about the pet."
?"But its really important to understand that these behaviours and emotions will pass," she explained. "And with it comes a maturity to understand the vulnerabilities in life. This is where parent empathy and support is really important."
She said to remind them there are other "pets that now need them" which remind children to move forward with their emotions and to use their "love and compassion for the next pet."
?Rea said the research is "overwhelmingly in support of children having pets," particularly sensitive children.
"This is an opportunity to express empathy, love, care, relationship development, responsibility and ownership," she said.
