'Huge responsibility': How Zoe is raising her son with a feminist lens
By Zoe Marshall|
Zoe Marshall, podcaster and mum of two, is 9Honey Parenting's columnist.
Ever since Fox was born, I knew he'd have an impact in the world just by being born male and white-presenting.
Being an able-bodied, cis male who is Caucasian จC even though culturally his nationality is Maori, he presents very white จC he already has a head start. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it is also true.
So I knew Benji and I would have a huge responsibility to have him grow up knowing his privilege จC and that there is a responsibility when you are born with those things. It has always been a real part of the way that we raise him.
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From a very young age, children are in the bathroom watching you go to the toilet. And so Fox learned about periods and menstruation probably by 18 months or two years old.
Because I suffer with endometriosis and immense pain and flooding of blood, he is a witness to that and he is learning about that, and there's no shame. In fact, he knows to be supportive around those things.
"[We want to] raise a resilient man, but one that is really conscious of the power he has"?
So really small parts of life have been integrated very seamlessly from birth.
I know a lot of people would probably think that's very controversial or inappropriate, but in our household, learning body parts, naming body parts, all of these things, have been so essential for us จC especially to protect them from predators.?
The period thing is no big deal. He completely understands it, he understands his body and his boundaries and respects other people's bodies and boundaries.
I think a huge part of raising a man is teaching them all about consent and the very nuanced elements of that.
And while that's a conversation for a later day, starting with boundaries is a huge one. If you don't want people in your space, that is a boundary จC respecting your sister's boundaries, your friend's boundaries, Mum's boundaries.
I think interweaving these things is helping us raise a resilient man, but also one who is really conscious about the world he's stepping into and the power he has.
I think modelling has probably been one of the greatest impacts on him, and Benji and I are very honest with the way that we are in front of our children.
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If we bicker or have an argument and they are witness to that, we make sure the repair is done in front of them. Conflict is a part of life, and so the resolution of conflict is something I want them to learn as well.
Benji and I are very conscious of how we speak to each other, even in a jokey, cheeky way, because they absorb everything.
Modelling with each other, how to respect each other and how to communicate with each other, has been really important.
We also make space every night to share at dinner จC we call it 'best parts and challenging parts', and we share what we're grateful for on the day and what was a little tricky in the day, hearing each other out.
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As they grow up, we want them to know they can do their 'best part and challenging part' with us and feel like there is a space to come to us with anything, and having no judgement to those things that happen as well จC really allowing exploration if there is something there versus judgement and shaming.
These are key parts of the way that we're parenting him. We're also encouraging him to have different friendships and explore different people at school.
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We were in a very big 'boys' viewpoint last year in Kindy, and in Year One now it's cool to play with girls and we're really encouraging those different kinds of friendships and different cultures and different people.
We also really watch what he consumes. He's not allowed YouTube, he's allowed to play games on his iPad, but that's limited.
The shows he watches are checked to make sure the role models or people he thinks are cool are the right kind of people to be emulating.
I really choose those learning moments จC for example, if there is disrespect towards somebody, whether that's male or female, really pouncing on those moments and finding learning moments everywhere.
Raising a man is a big deal, and raising a man that is respectful, kind, compassionate, considerate and understanding towards women is incredibly important to us in the Marshall Family household.
?Hear more from Zoe Marshall on her podcast The Deep
