The silence around Emma's daughter's name makes her grief deafening

Emma and Nathan Francis are parents of three.

That simple sentence, uttered countless times across Australia to describe hundreds of families, can feel more complicated for some to say of the couple. But it shouldn't be.

The Perth locals are parents to Otis, four months, big sister Lottie, three, and their middle child Ada, who was born stillborn at 32 weeks.

READ MORE: Boy's incredible $20,000 discovery buried on Sydney beach

?Though Ada won't get the opportunity to grow with her brother and sister, she's very much a part of their lives, deeply loved and spoken of often.

But outside their home, Emma has found a deafening silence when it comes to Ada's name. ?A blow that compounds her grief.

Now, the mum is calling on Australians to get behind Red Nose for their Say Their Name Day campaign, to say the names of all the infants and children who have died, to help their families keep their memories alive.

I can't even explain the noises that came out of me, and everyone else. It was like an out of body nightmare.

Speaking with 9Honey, Emma shared Ada's story.

There was no warning of anything amiss with Emma's pregnancy. The mum was relieved to have what her obstetrician had described as a 'perfect' pregnancy after experiencing two miscarriages, one before and one after having Lottie.

Passing all her tests and scans with 'flying colours', the couple was overjoyed to be told they were expecting another daughter, and to be giving Lottie a sister.

READ MORE: Aussie nurse warns against 'dangerous' baby sleep products

Choosing her name early on, they referred to Ada by name throughout most of the pregnancy. While everything appeared to be going to plan, life had other ideas.

One Sunday night, at 32 weeks, in September, 2021, Emma suddenly experienced an overwhelming sense of panic at realising Ada's - a fairly active baby - movements had changed.

?"I was putting Lottie to bed. I sat on this little stool next to her cot to read a story and it while I was sitting there I realised the baby wasn't moving. It wasn't that, it was that I couldn't remember when she had last moved," she shared,

"As I was reading the story I was getting more worked up, I had a really awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, but was thinking I just need to get through this book and get out of there."

Once Lottie was asleep, the couple called Nathan's parents to watch her while they went straight to the hospital.?

When they arrived a midwife took them straight through and put the doppler on Emma's stomach. But as Nathan hadn't been to many of the appointments this pregnancy, he didn't know what to expect from the machine. ?

"They were trying to find something - I felt sick. It took forever until they finally found this heartbeat, which was really faint. My husband let out this audible sigh, there was such relief across his face," Emma said.

"I started crying and he was confused. I knew that was my heartbeat, but he didn't know, and I couldn't tell him. He was saying 'see, it's fine'."

The midwife excused herself to find another doctor, who performed an ultrasound. They too didn't tell the couple anything, but went looking for a third person.

This time an obstetrician came to see them, and broke the news they already sensed.

"I don't even know if we got the words out, she must have, but all I heard was 'I'm so sorry'.? I can't even explain the noises that came out of me, and everyone else. It was like an out of body nightmare, like watching a movie that wasn't happening to you."

Told they would need to deliver Ada the following day, they were given the option to stay overnight, or return home and come back.

Going home, neither slept, and returned at 6am the next day, where Emma was induced. Roughly 24 hours after being told Ada had died, she was born.

?"She looked very different to our other daughter. She had a full head of dark hair, Lottie has blonde curly hair. Ada looked much more like me. And all my babies have the same button nose, and cupid bow lips," Emma said.

"She was beautiful, quite long and a good size for her age. We were just totally in love the minute we had her in our arms, we didn't want to let her go. But they become very fragile and we had to let her go."

Emma describes the midwives who supported her through the birth and after as 'angels'. She was able to spend a few hours doing skin-to-skin, while Heartfelt, an organisation that create keepsakes for bereaved parents, were called in to take photographs with Ada.

"It was confronting at the time. But I'm fortunate the midwives gently encouraged us to do it, I was very close to saying no and it would have been my biggest regret."

"My daughter ended up turning up at the same time, it was very special. Lottie had photos with us, and our parents. It made it real for them."

Two midwives and Emma's obstetrician even came to Ada's funeral, a gesture which greatly moved the family.?

Explaining her death to Lottie though, was challenging. They told the toddler, who was overjoyed at becoming a big sister, that Ada was now in the sky, with the stars?.

The couple still don't have answers for what caused Ada's death. She is among the one third to one half of late-term stillbirths that go unexplained.

Chancing upon a Red Nose support group for bereaved parents two months later, Emma finally found a safe space to grieve and to talk about Ada.

Grief will always be a lonely place, but hearing Ada's name, a name the couple carefully chose for her, with love, helps. ?

"You think you're going to be using that name a million times a day for the rest of your life and then something like this happens and suddenly, after not a lot of time, you only hear it in your hear, or at home, from your own mouth," she said.

"When people bring her up spontaneously it reminds me of her, of it they use her name in a text or she's remembered on her birthday... to hear her name come out of someone else's mouth in a normal conversation, that's how it's supposed to be. It means a lot, it keeps her memory alive in the only way we can."

"I only have a select few memories to draw from with Ada, when someone gives me the opportunity to do that it's the best thing they could do." ?

You can get involved in Say Their Name Day by adding your child's name to our online memory wall, creating an online tribute fundraiser, donating to Red Nose or sharing your story on social media: saytheirname.org.au

Red Nose 24/7 Grief and Loss support line 1300 308 307 or visit rednosegriefandloss.org.au

For a daily dose of 9Honey, subscribe to our newsletter here.

What to say (and not say) to grieving parents

View Gallery