'The parenting bible that helped me tame my toddler'
By Victoria Owens|
Opinion -- When it comes to our kids, we can love them to the moon and back ¨C but that doesn't mean parenting comes without it's challenges.
When you're pregnant or planning to have a baby, no-one tells you about the times your toddler will scream all through the night until she gets what she wants.
Or the time your other toddler decides his whole bowl of porridge is better on top of his head or that he thinks the best way to leave the shopping mall is kicking and screaming to the car.
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No. Parenting is definitely a whole different ball game once you're past the baby stage.?
Perhaps that's why no-one tells you how much harder it's going to get.
Luckily for us though, parenting expert Gen Muir is out on the frontline trying to help parents through the trenches of toddler tantrums and baby breakdowns with her new book, Little People, Big Feelings.
And never has the title of a book been so apt, because these are the exact words I would use to describe both my children.
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But in my almost four years as a mum of two spirited kids, I've read a lot of baby books, flicked through dozens of parenting pamphlets, doom-scrolled endless websites, I've even signed up to watch various online parenting courses.
But so far none of it has stuck and therefore none of it has worked, until now.
Because the way Muir writes, it's as if she's there in the trenches next to you, whispering words of encouragement while offering useful advice.
This is because throughout the book she has sprinkled funny and brutally honest anecdotes from her own parenting fails and struggles.
So not only do you feel like you're not alone in the parenting pits, you've got someone who has been where you are now and has found the lifeline out.
The book has been hailed as "a go-to parenting guidebook for dealing with big emotions and challenging behaviour", covering everything from boundaries and building resilience to meltdowns and tantrums.
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And from the very first page, Muir sets the tone for the rest of us parents who, just like her, are trying to navigate through the often murky role.
"This book is dedicated to Owen, Liam, Tom and Harry for being the most patient and loving teachers as I worked out how to be your mum". It still makes me cry every time I read it.
From that very first line she gets us, but what is most valuable is the advice inside.
A quick gaze over the table of contents and my eyes lock on "Chapter 5: My child won't listen!", followed by "Chapter 6: How to make 'no' mean 'no'", and then "Chapter Seven: Meltdowns and tantrums". There is literally an answer to all my parenting problems wrapped up in one neat little book.
Muir also covers when things escalate further and how to know you're not stuffing it all up, every parent's biggest fear.
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Here's what I took away from Muir's book and applied to my three-and-a-half-year-old son.
Kids can't multitask so if they look like they're ignoring you, change the way you talk to them.
The best way to communicate with kids is through connection, touch and getting down on their level.
Get on their level through humour, creativity and play.
Holding boundaries is easier once you've achieved a proper connection.
First and then are my new favourite words to move my toddler on from his big feelings.
When my tornado toddler started to work himself up to what felt like a tantrum, I thought: here is my chance to put the above into practice.
He wanted to eat the batter of my carefully prepared banana pancake mixture that I was about to cook for him and his sister.
He was screaming, hitting and trying to jump up onto the bench.
So I stopped, sat down on the ground, put him on my lap with my arms around him and told him that first I needed to cook the pancakes, because he and his sister would get very sick if they ate the raw batter. Then we could all have fun eating pancakes together.?
Then I asked him to imagine if we all started vomiting at the same time, which made him laugh, and then I suggested after pancakes we could all play DUPLO together.??
His answer: "OK mummy." Then he got up, sat at the table and waited for me to bring his pancakes.
What is this wizardry? It felt like magic, like I'd cracked the code into the matrix of his little brain.
The wild west showdown I was bracing for was completely gone and I had managed to get through to my beautiful little boy.
It might not seem like much, but it felt like a big win for exhausted parents everywhere.
And while I don't always have the time or patience to play this out every time, it's nice to know it's in my back pocket for when I really need it.
