'I'm overwhelmed. I'm not myself': TV reporter's stark realisation at 2am
By Brittany Hoskins|
A little vulnerability can go a long way.
It's 2.20am.
My daughter woke up about an hour ago, crying. No screaming.
At 15 months old, we average two wake-ups per night, at varying times, so this is nothing unusual.
Generally, the first wake-up is the easy one. She'll take a bottle and go back down without fuss.
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This morning, that was not the case.
Sitting here, in the rocking chair, sobbing, I don't know if I'm cut out for this.
I'm overwhelmed. I'm not myself. I'm just so f---ing exhausted.
It's been a couple of weeks since I wrote those lines.
I wrote those lines because, ironically, I couldn't sleep after spending hours trying to settle bub.
My mind simply wouldn't shut off.
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That morning, I got up, took my dog for a walk, got a coffee, put on my makeup, curled my hair and went to work.
And I'm sure anyone who saw me that day would've had no idea I'd cried myself to sleep.
So why choose to share this?
After a recent phone call with a close friend who lives interstate, I realised I'm not alone in my struggle and opening up about it was actually helpful for me and for her.
Too often we assume those around us are thriving based on the version of themselves they put forward day to day.
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And although we're always telling each other: "Don't believe everything you see on social media." "It's a highlight reel." "It's fake." It's easier to tell ourselves we're failing while those around us are succeeding.
I'll give you another exampleกญ
I posted a picture of myself with a glass of bubbles before going to Harry Styles.
Looking at it, you would probably think I'm full of confidence; that I love how I looked. In reality, my anxiety had been terrible that week, for lots of reasons, and on that day I really didn't want to go.
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After finishing my makeup, I hated it so much that I scrubbed it off and started again and in the end I was an hour late to meet my friend for a drink beforehand.
Might seem trivial but it's the truth.
To be clear, I'm not saying we should only post pictures of ourselves during our low points or that we shouldn't get on with the day when we're down in the dumps.
Really I just want my stories to serve as another reminder that things aren't always what they seem and there aren't enough pages on this website for me to list all the times I've carried on when I've been in a crisis.
A little vulnerability can go a long way, especially when it's so easy to be swept up in what we think someone else's life is like.
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