The motherhood admission I was scared to make: 'It's OK not to always enjoy being a mum'

O?PINION -- When it comes to parenting, mothers in particular are often damned if they do and damned if they don't.

It starts before they are born. Having a planned caesarean?? You're a a bad mum. Not planning to breastfeed? You're a very bad mum.

By the time your child can walk and talk, your every decision as a mum is dissected by everyone, from your own mum, partner, friends, mother's group, yourself, and if you are brave enough to share your decisions, the internet ¨C as one mum in the UK found out this week.?

Shannon took to TikTok with a short video that featured a series of slides starting with "Things I'd get cancelled for saying as a mum".

She then continued with a list of statements most mums would relate to ¨C even if they don't say it out loud.?

The list included, "I hate playing pretend", "I don't enjoy soft play. At all", "I don't miss them when they're at nursery", "I don't enjoy every stage of parenting", "I like when they go to bed", "I don't always want cuddles" and "I zone out when they ramble".

She ended the post with a final slide that read, "I'm a good mum... but I'm still human".

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She uploaded the post with the comment, "I said what I said" and the hashtags happysundays, parentingtok and scottishmums.

It quickly went viral, clocking up more than 596,000 views in three days as well as 31,000 likes and hundreds of comments.

She then sat back and watched the carnage.

While some commenters were supportive and gave their own examples or thanked Shannon for being truthful, others had a different view.

"That's why ?I'm not a parent," wrote one, before asking Shannon if she knew it wasn't mandatory to have kids, which elicited the response, "Oh be quiet".

Another commenter said she grew up feeling her mother "was doing stuff for me because she had to, not because she wanted to", which she said left her feeling "awkward and ashamed".

"That's your experience, My child is perfectly happy," Shannon replied.

?So why is this self-described "good mum" being vilified for speaking her truth, and one that is no doubt shared by countless mums?

Maybe it is because that all-too-familiar mum guilt stops us from being honest.

I know it stopped me.

When my firstborn child was an infant, I was terrified of admitting I found being a mum hard.

After all, I had waited years and gone through infertility and numerous miscarriages before welcoming him.

But life with a newborn was hard. His birth had turned into an emergency, leading to a long stint in special care, so I was denied the opportunity to bond with him.

Breastfeeding was a horrible ordeal which he refused to co-operate with, feeding my anxiety and left me tearful and depressed.

Once we got home, I found myself in a hell loop of feeding, expressing milk and attempting to settle a very unsettled baby ?on inadequate sleep.

The experience of new motherhood was ?nothing like I imagined and I didn't like it ¨C but there was no way I was going to tell that to a living soul.

I mean, how could I be so ungrateful?

As time went on, things did settle down. The maternal love ?flooded in and things got a little easier, even though he was a difficult baby who was later diagnosed with reflux.

But the day-to-day routine I was forced to adhere to soon felt like a prison sentence.

Wake, feed, play, sleep, repeat.

I can still remember sitting on the floor of my living room, during the second tummy time of the day, thinking, "Oh my God, I have to do this four more times today".

?There is an invisible bar in motherhood. No one knows quite where it is.

He still couldn't do much but lay there and kick his legs. He wasn't much fun. Oh, and he screamed A LOT.

Was this it? Was this what I signed up for?

Of course, he grew up, got more mobile, and was able to interact. The love I felt for him grew as he did.

Soon he was a toddler. Then came the terrible twos.

On the days I wasn't at work I would take him to the park, to soft play, to the beach, playgroup and music classes.

Did I love it all? No, probably not. But I was not about to tell anyone.

Did I miss him when he went to childcare? I don't know, but I did feel guilty when he was there.

I loved the moments at bedtime, when his arms would circle my neck and he smelt like the lavender we used each night at bathtime, but I probably loved it even more once he was asleep.

Did it make me a bad mum? No, I don't think so.

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Yet I still feel a little guilty as I type this 20 years on. What if someone thinks I'm bad?

?There is an invisible bar in motherhood. No one knows quite where it is.

We set our own, but society also sets one, and that one is hardest to clear.

?My bare minimum as a mum might be a low bar for some and a high bar for others.

I played with my kids, did arts and crafts, used flashcards to teach them words, and cooked and pureed every meal.

Meanwhile, a friend served up every meal from a bottle and never so much as splashed a bit of finger paint on a piece of paper.

She once admitted she hated playing with her kids and never did so. I was horrified. Not that she felt that way, but that she admitted it.

Instead, I should have patted her on the back and said, "Me too".

Maybe if more mums spoke out about the things they dislike about motherhood, one in five of us wouldn't suffer from perinatal depression and anxiety.

Because we wouldn't be too scared to say, "Some of this motherhood caper sucks".

And that can only be a good thing.

So bravo, Shannon from Scotland, for speaking out. You're right. You are a good mum. Even if society wants to tell you otherwise.?

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