Baby steps: How to help your toddler prepare for a new sibling
By Dr Kaylene Henderson|
The arrival of a new baby can feel like a wonderful, long-awaited gift for your family. Yet it mightn't always seem that way to your toddler, who might wish that there was some way of 'regifting' their new sibling.
From their perspective, a baby's arrival often heralds the end of life as they've known it, but thankfully a little bit of preparation goes a long way toward setting the scene for a long-lasting sibling bond.
Here are a few helpful tips to consider, drawn from both my professional training and from the 'front line' as mother to three (thankfully awesome) siblings.
Here are my top four tips for preparing your toddler for your new baby's arrival.
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1. Encourage bonding with your 'listening belly'
Just as you can start to bond with your baby even before their birth, so too can your toddler. Let your toddler know that his soon-to-arrive sibling can already hear him, even from inside your belly. This provides wonderful opportunities for interaction whether you're chatting, reading or listening to music with your toddler.
"Your big brother and I are just about to read a book now, baby. You'll be able to listen to it from inside my tummy and when you come out, we'll be able to show you the pictures".
2. Read stories about new baby siblings
There are lots of books that have been written to help prepare toddlers for the birth of new baby siblings, so head along to your local library, snuggle up together and have a read.
It was in a picture book that my empathic older child discovered that babies ask for what they need by crying. She was so reassured to learn that babies were not always sad and was keen to help by deciphering her baby sister's cries.
3. Be prepared for newborn gifts
People tend to be incredibly generous when you have a baby but toddlers can often feel left out. Either stash the baby's gifts away and open them after hours or have a small supply of pre-wrapped gifts that you're happy to bring out for your toddler if he seems to be struggling with this.
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4. Create a positive association
The most helpful tip that I learned when my own children were young was to try to create a positive association with your baby, in your toddler's mind (put simply, teach your toddler that the birth of the new baby = a good thing).
One of our favourite activities during this early stage was 'smiling practice'. I explained to my toddler that babies need to learn everything จC they even need to learn how to smile! Then, when our baby was happily awake, my toddler and I would gaze at her, chat about our day and include lots of smiling. My toddler, feeling included, was proud of her role in teaching her younger sibling the art of smiling and was utterly delighted when our baby finally smiled back.
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Remember too that your toddler will still crave one-on-one time with you as they adjust to their 'new normal'.
As important as this is, try to save their very favourite activities for when the baby is with you both. The risk of doing your toddler's favourite activities only when the baby is asleep is that your toddler might soon assume that life would resemble some sort of blissful nirvana full of loving attention and favourite things กญ if only the baby would sleep forever (not the kind of association you're aiming for).
Of course, there will still be days that feel more wobbly than others (that goes for us too). But preparing your toddler for what's to come and creating a positive association in their mind will help lay the foundations for a wonderful, growing family in which all its members feel loved and included.
Dr Kaylene Henderson is a highly trained Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, one of Australia's leading parenting experts and a grateful mother-of-three.
The advice in this article is general in nature. Please always consult a medical professional to obtain advice that is tailored to yours or child's specific condition.
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