A? father who told her daughter she is "smart and hardworking but not gifted" wonders if she made the right choice by being so honest with his child.
He explains on Reddit's 'Am I The A--hole' thread he and his wife "both have electrical engineering degrees" and their son, 17, and daughter, 15, will both begin university next month.
In the post, the concerned father asked the internet if he was being too brutal in his summation of his daughter's intelligence.
"?My daughter is smart and hardworking and is attending at an earlier age than usual," he explains. "She was in a school program for gifted kids. We were having a conversation at dinner the other day and my wife mentioned how proud she was of our daughter and how lucky we were to have gifted children going to good university programs and how not many people can do what our daughter did."
It was then that the father said he doesn't feel their daughter is "gifted" just "really hardworking and smart."
?He attributes the school program and his wife with helping his daughter reach her goals, and also explained he baulks at labelling her "gifted" as he has seen "how people can ruin their lives over thinking they are gifted" and it "going to their head" adding that he "wanted to caution her about that."
"?Both my wife and daughter are upset at me now, my wife thinks I was trying to put her down which is not true and says she is gifted, while my daughter actually agrees with me but says I should not have said it as she already knows," he said.
He then asks if he is at fault, explaining that he is "genuinely proud and happy for my kids and beyond what I described here" and "there was a lot of complimenting and celebration on my part."
Reddite?rs were swift in their judgement of the father, placing him squarely in the wrong.
"YTA (your the a--hole) putting your daughter down served no positive purpose. Discouraging a young teen like that can have serious detrimental effects. Even if she isn't actually gifted, you were the a--hole," one Redditer commented.
"That being said, she is gifted. Not every 15 year old can go to a university to study physics. Not only is she gifted academically, she is gifted with drive and determination. Not everyone has that. And you tried to put her down.?"
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Another commented: "It must really damage your pride to have two exceptional women achieving more than you."
"?It does feel a little like he did this to 'put her in her place,'" another agreed.
"You just insulted her for no reason," another agreed.
"You didn't want her to ruin her life by thinking she's gifted? But she's not ruining her life! She's going to college at 15 to study physics and computer scienceˇ how is she on the pathway to ruining her life??"
"There is absolutely no rational or useful or helpful reason to say something like this. The only purpose was to demean your daughter, who is most assuredly gifted," another said.
One Redditer commented: "My sister and I were in the gifted programs in school and our dad was over the moon. He told us all the time how brilliant we were.
"We learned later in life, around college, that we were not all that smart and not gifted, just of average intelligence and drive. But our dad still thinks we are the smartest people on earth, and I'm so grateful to have someone like that in my corner.?"
Another said: "It's like when I was a kid and scored a 99 on a test. It was the highest mark ever. My mum said to me, good job but this is something expected of you. She said this cos she didn't know any better and took my grandma's advice to heart - try not to make an arrogant kid of me.
"I remembered this comment to this day because it was at that moment I decided not to bother to try at anything anymore.?"
Another advised: "Please be grateful that your daughter has access to gifted programs and maybe she will struggle less than other gifted people who did not have the resources to succeed. And please put away your own ego and do what's best for your children, both your son and your daughter.
"Stop comparing your children either subconsciously or consciously, that's only going to drive a wedge between them and they either will hate each other, and go NC/LC with you when they grow up. Love them for who they are and putting them down is not a tactic to raise non-cocky kidsˇ just low self esteem ones.?"