Money Manners: 'I can't afford to be my best friend's Maid of Honour'

Money Manners is Honey Money's weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au

This week's question comes via a 9honey reader and an upcoming wedding that may spell the end of a long friendship.

Question: 'I told my friend I can't afford to be her Maid of Honour and she's angry with me'

My best friend and I had always planned on being each other's Maids of Honour, and she was mine eight years ago when I was married. ?

But now she's getting married, and my life has changed and I'm no longer in a position to be hers. I just can't afford it.

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When I got married, we were both single with disposable incomes and it wasn't a problem for her to spend money on my wedding, but I have two children now, a mortgage, and I just don't the money to spare.

The cost of living has hit really hard, and it doesn't help that she is planning an elaborate wedding that will cost me thousands of dollars I just can't spare.

I knew she was going to ask me and I was dreading it, when she did I told her I didn't think I can afford it and I was really sorry but couldn't ?do it, and could she ask someone else?

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She said she understood but she hasn't been as friendly to me recently and I think she is angry. What should I do??

Answer:

This is certainly a difficult choice for you, seeing as she spent money serving as yours, but when we have a family our priorities change. It isn't just about our own choices anymore, but about what is right for our families who rely on us.

?Give her time to feel her feelings, and then perhaps approach her and suggest ways you could help with the wedding that won't cost you thousands of dollars.

You could help with organisation or preparations in some way that may help her. Even offering shows her you feel badly and want to make amends, even if she doesn't take you up on it.

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Weddings have a way or causing conflict, unfortunately, particularly when thousands of dollars may be involved.

You may just need to accept this will impact your friendship going forward, but that's just life.

But I do think it is worth you catching up in a few weeks' time for a chat, tell her you feel badly and would love to help in any way possible without breaking your budget.

Tell her you love her and you are so happy for her and you wish your finances weren't so challenging at the moment.

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Then let her sit with all of that for a bit.

It may turn out that you can't properly address the impact of this on your friendship until well after the wedding. As you know, the planning stages are stressful, and emotions don't usually have a chance to settle until much, much later.?

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