Unsealed Section: Jasmine endured years of excruciating sex because she assumed the pain was normal

Jasmine* had no idea the excruciating pain she felt during sex had a name until she started working with a fertility expert because it was preventing her from conceiving naturally.

The Melbourne local had been experiencing painful sex for as long as she and her husband had been married, but she didn't realise it was a genuine medical condition at the time.

"I'd been experiencing it for a few years but at the beginning I didn't really realise it was an issue," she tells 9Honey.

"The pain was the main thing I felt, but there's the mental side as well. Because you're nervous, your muscles get very tense and then your partner's getting nervous as well."

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For years, she remained trapped in that cycle until she and her husband decided to start a family and Jasmine ended up in the offices of Dr Raelia Lew, gynaecologist, fertility expert and co-founder of Lovers.

It didn't take long for Lew to diagnose the hopeful mum with vaginismus, a surprisingly common condition that affects around one in 10 Australians with vaginas.

Vaginismus causes the muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily, which can cause pain and even bleeding during sex, when inserting a tampon or during a gynaecological examination.

"Vaginismus is due to involuntary contraction of powerful pelvic floor muscles against your will and initially outside of your control," says Lew.

Jasmine and her husband had tried to work around the condition, but it had made it incredibly difficult to have penetrative sex and conceive a child.

"He tried to help me relax as much as possible. Sometimes it might work, but most of the time it didn't," she confesses.

"The main reason I went to Dr Raelia was not for the [vaginismus] but because we wanted kids, and we had this issue we had to solve."

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Like many Aussies with the condition, Jasmine had no idea what vaginismus was before she was diagnosed and therefore didn't have the information to even guess at what was causing her pain.

For years, she just assumed that was "how her body was". Other sufferers have avoided seeking professional help due to stigma, shame or embarrassment.

After seeing Lew, Jasmine finally had a name for the condition that had been plaguing her, as well as a treatment plan that included at-home exercises to try to reduce her pain.

"Overcoming vaginismus is less about the physical nature of your vagina, and more about learning active relaxation techniques so that you can purposefully relax your pelvic floor and have pain free sex," Lew explains.

"Breaking the cycle of pain requires re-establishment of trust. Before you can find trust with a partner, you need to find trust with your body."

Though Jasmine eventually underwent intrauterine insemination (IUI) to conceive, as she was unable to fall pregnant through penetrative sex, she was happy to have answers.

Now she is five months pregnant and hopes other Australian women don't have to get to the point she did to find out they have vaginismus and that treatment is possible.

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"It's still something I still need to deal with, it hasn't been hundred percent solved yet but the way forward is available," she says.

"I suggest every woman who feels [pain during sex] should get professional support, because they have experience and it's a shortcut to get a solution."

What is vaginismus?

Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily, which can cause pain and even bleeding.

Though it's most commonly associated with pain during sex, vaginismus can also cause discomfort when inserting a tampon or during a gynaecological examination.

How to know if you have vaginismus ¨C signs and symptoms

The common signs of vaginismus include burning or stinging pain during sex, struggling with vaginal penetration during sex and difficulties inserting a tampon.

How common is vaginismus?

Though many Australians have never heard of the condition, vaginismus is believed to affect about one in 10 Aussie women and people assigned female at birth.

Despite it being surprisingly common, the stigma around the condition (and other women's health issues) means many women suffer for years before diagnosis.

Can vaginismus be treated or cured? How to reduce vaginismus pain

There isn't a clear-cut 'cure' for vaginismus, however there are a range of treatment options that can help, including pelvic floor therapy, counselling, and at-home exercises.

Working with a physiotherapist who specialises in pelvic floor exercises can help the sufferer learn how to relax their pelvic floor muscles and may include the use of vaginal trainers or dilators.

Counselling can help work through any psychological issues that contribute to or have arisen from the vaginismus, and at-home exercises solo or with a partner may also help.

What causes vaginismus?

It's hard to pin down one single thing that causes vaginismus, as there are so many physical and psychological factors at play for most patients.

Some have experienced trauma during childbirth, rape, sexual abuse or assault, or some other traumatic event that involved contact with their genitals.

Medical conditions like recurrent UTIs, yeast infections and endometriosis have also been linked to vaginismus, as have fears of penetration, pain or pregnancy.

How to have sex if you have vaginismus

"Sex does not mean vaginal penetration. The first step is trust. The second is: go slow. Start with touch you are certain will give you pleasure," Dr Lew says.

"My best tip is to go slow. Have patience and believe in yourself."

Having non-penetrative sex can allow vaginismus patients to experience pleasure without the pain associated with the condition, but what about those who want pain-free penetration?

For them, it's all about building trust and going slow, as well as seeking treatment outside of the bedroom if they continue to experience pain.

"Sex should be a positive experience. Before pleasurable penetrative sex is possible you need to break any association you have formed based on past experience with sex and pain," Dr Lew says.??

Vaginismus stigma

Much of the stigma surrounding vaginismus is rooted in outdated ideas about sex and a lack of education around women's sexual health.?

Common myths are that it will 'just go away eventually', that sex 'just is/should be painful' or that women experiencing this kind of pain during sex just have partners that are 'too big'.

This stigma can make it difficult for sufferers to speak up about their pain or see a professional for help.

What to do if you have vaginismus/how to manage it

The first thing anyone should do if they suspect they have vaginismus is see a health professional ¨C that could be your GP, a women's health specialist or a gynaecologist.

Managing the condition will look different for each patient, but often involves a combination of physical and mental treatments.

"Sexual counselling is a must, to build your confidence and self belief, and to help you break down barriers and actively deal with past experiences that may have caused or reinforced symptoms of vaginismus," Dr Lew says.?

"CBD lubricant is amazing for women with vaginismus, and is available through online prescription. It can be used in combination with pelvic floor physiotherapy and dilator wand therapy."

*Name changed for privacy.?

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