The side effect Sami Lukis 'didn't expect' on hormone therapy: 'Crazy'
By Sami Lukis|
I bought my first packet of Hormone Replacement patches and then a bizarre thing happened. I couldn't actually bring myself to start using them.
Instead, I left the pack sitting unopened on my kitchen bench for almost a year. I'd stand there every morning, staring at the pack, wondering if today was the day I'd start HRT.
I was well aware of HRT's controversial history. Like many women, I was scared and confused about the serious risks (breast cancer, stroke, blood clots, heart disease), but my GP assured me the current thinking on hormone therapy is dramatically different to what it was 20 years ago.
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Recent evidence suggests the risks are actually very low. And for women who start hormone therapy before the age of 60 or within 10 years of starting menopause, the benefits usually outweigh the risks.
I was also probably still in menopause-denial, to be honest, even though the symptoms had been hitting me pretty hard.
The hot flushes arrived pretty much the second after I blew out the candles on my 50th birthday cake, along with the insomnia, brain fog, irregular periods.
I tried to ignore it all for a couple of years. I'd spoken to a few girlfriends who had no issues with menopause whatsoever, and I desperately wanted to be like them.
Instead, my symptoms just kept getting worse. I eventually put my big girl pants on, made an appointment with my GP and I wasn't the least bit surprised when a blood test revealed my estrogen levels had dropped dramatically.
I was actually more shocked when my bone density scan revealed I also have Osteopenia. Known as 'the precursor to Osteoperosis', it means my bones are weaker than they should be, putting me at a higher risk of a 'significant' fracture and an increased risk of developing the big O (not the good one).
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My GP said HRT could replace the estrogen my body had stopped making, help relieve all those crazy symptoms and make life more tolerable. Plus, women who take HRT also have a reduced risk of developing Osteoporosis.
I left the GP's office and bought the patches immediately, but I was still too scared to start using them. So, rather than trusting the medication that could potentially help me, the packet remained unopened for 10 months.
Instead, I spent each day dreading the arrival of the next hot flush. They'd become burning infernos by that stage, stopping me in my tracks during the day or waking me up in the middle of the night.
The sleep deprivation became chronic. The tiredness turned into unbearable exhaustion. The headaches, mood swings and irritability all became more intense.
I even had a few bouts of vertigo จC who knew that was menopause related?
Every day felt like a struggle and the whole thing was making me miserable. It felt like my entire personality was changing.
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As I continued to suffer in silence, I kept researching everything I could about menopause and HRT and one day a sentence jumped out at me..."If menopausal symptoms are starting to affect your quality of life, it's important to get help."
That's when I knew I had to open the damn packet. So I did.
Here's a brutally honest account of my first month on HRT.
Day 1: The patch was smaller than I expected จC about the size of a 10 cent piece. It's applied below the waist, on the lower stomach or upper butt, and replaced every 3-4 days. It was easy to apply. No noticeable initial reaction.
Day 3: I managed to sleep through the night for the first time in years. 8 glorious hours! Woke up feeling like a new person.
Day 4: WTF, why did my face suddenly break out? I'd never had acne problems. That was a shock.
"If menopausal symptoms are starting to affect your quality of life, it's important to get help."
Day 5: I haven't had the energy or desire to date for a couple of years, but today I actually considered re-installing the apps on my phone. Is HRT bringing my mojo back already?
Day 8: Felt weirdly emotional all day and just couldn't shake it. It culminated in a full-blown meltdown in front of the Uber Eats driver when I realised my rice paper rolls weren't in the delivery. It was totally embarrassing. I have no idea what came over me.
Day 10: Felt 'down' and on the verge of tears all day. Not sure why? On the plus side, my hot flushes are definitely feeling milder.
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Day 11: Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Feeling really agitated all day. Everything annoyed me. I did a lot of huffing and puffing and heaving sighing.
Day 13: Feeling teary and emotional again. I went to Spotlight to buy some cushion inserts and had a total breakdown in the aisle when I couldn't find the right size. Everything just felt completely overwhelming. I fell asleep on the couch mid-afternoon. That was weird. I've never been a day-napper จC even when I was doing breakfast radio.
Day 15: Another bad day. Feeling so fatigued, I needed another power nap. Something feels off. I want the happy hormones. Where are they?
Day 16: Haven't had a period in 5 months but woke up with those familiar stomach cramps - the kind of period pain that makes you want to stay in bed all day in the foetal position.
Day 17: That period never came. Noticed red rashes on my skin where the last few patches had been. My GP said I might be allergic to the glue and advised me to keep using the patches but keep an eye on it.
Day 18: Woke up feeling happy and energised. After days of feeling so emotional, I was relieved to ride this wave of positivity.
Realised I'm managing to sleep in 6 or 7 hour blocks every night and I haven't had a hot flush in days...woohoo!
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Day 20: OK these mood swings are out of control. Felt really unsettled today. The kind of anxiety where I couldn't take a full deep breath.
Didn't feel like speaking to anyone all day. Note to self: definitely not ready to start dating again.
Day 21: Made a huge mistake at work today - something I'd never normally do. My brain felt completely scattered.
Spent all day angry at myself. The first day I seriously contemplated whether HRT was a terrible mistake.
Day 23: Felt really emotional again. Moved into full existential crisis mode, having "what am I doing with my life?" moments.
Really wishing I could get out of this funk. Wondering how any marriage could possibly survive this?
Day 25: A friend randomly mentioned my skin looked amazing. That was a surprise. Also suddenly realised my appetite has seriously increased.
Jumped on a set of scales and I've put on 4kg! Is that from the HRT or just emotional eating? (Menopause is often associated with weight gain but there's no evidence to prove HRT causes you to put on weight).
Day 27: Another friend said my skin was 'glowing'. That's two days in a row จC wow!
Did some research and apparently HRT can help you look more youthful by supplementing your body's natural hormone levels.
Might be a bonus side effect! Or has my face just filled out because I've put on a little weight?
Day 28: A full-blown period arrived and caught me completely by surprise with the kind of accident I haven't had since I was 16 (thank goodness I was wearing all-black).
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It was a perfectly ridiculous way to round out my first crazy month on HRT.
So how would I describe the experience overall? To be completely honest, I felt pretty awful most of the time จC definitely worse than pre-HRT. I didn't expect to be so emotionally unstable.
On the plus side, the hot flushes have disappeared completely, my sleep has definitely improved, my face looks like it's had a collagen boost and a follow up blood test showed my Estrogen levels have improved already.
Research shows it can take months to feel the full effects of HRT, so I'm going to persevere.
Turns out I am allergic to those patches though, so I'm swapping over to a gel/tablet combo instead.
There's a whole movement out there encouraging us to embrace the idea of ageing 'joyfully'. And I'm trying to do that, I really am, but my experience (especially through peri-menopause and HRT) has been anything BUT joyful.
I'll just keep reminding myself of Helen Mirren's philosophy on ageing: "Ageing is a requirement of life. You either grow old or you die young".
I'll choose ageing, thanks จC even on my worst days, when I'm having a breakdown in the pillow aisle at Spotlight.
