'Your world shatters': Bree Amer Wilkes on the heartbreak of stillbirth

A baby shower should be a joyful occasion for an expectant mum, but for Bree Amer Wilkes it was clouded with a growing feeling of dread.

The former Big Brother star and her husband, Evan Wilkes, were counting down the days to the arrival of their first child, a son named Archie.

Bree had fallen pregnant relatively quickly, and had been spared some of the tough side-effects many mums-to-be face.

Yet when she woke up that morning in April 2015, 37 weeks into her pregnancy, the TV producer knew something felt different.

When Bree moved, Archie didn¡¯t move with her. She tried poking and prodding her stomach, and eating ice cream to give herself a sugar hit, but he still wasn¡¯t responding.?

She left for her baby shower at 10am, but that little knot of worry sat in her stomach.

Bree and Evan had been overjoyed to be expecting a little boy. (Image: Instagram)

¡°The whole time I was there, I just had it in the back of my head - ¡®Still hasn¡¯t moved, still hasn¡¯t moved¡¯. I was just feeling more and more sick about the situation,¡± the 35-year-old tells 9Honey.

It wasn¡¯t the first time Bree had felt uneasy about Archie¡¯s movements.?

She¡¯d visited her obstetrician only the day before, having noticed a dramatic change from 35 weeks into her pregnancy. The doctor checked her son¡¯s heartbeat and reassured her everything was fine.??

¡°By the next day, Archie had died,¡± Bree says.

¡°The timing of it was pretty horrendous.¡±

Bree and Evan went straight to the hospital after the baby shower, where tests confirmed Archie didn¡¯t have a heartbeat.

¡°That¡¯s kind of when your world shatters, I guess,¡± Bree recalls.

¡°The midwife was crying. It was horrible. It¡¯s horrible for everyone involved.¡±

Returning to work was particularly tough for Bree. (Image: Instagram)

The heartbreaking ripple effects of Archie¡¯s death continued for months, and sprung up in unexpected places. Bree couldn't leave the house without someone asking her about her baby.

¡°Pregnancy isn¡¯t something that¡¯s invisible. Everyone knows you¡¯re pregnant and everyone¡¯s excited for you, and you have to explain it to them. It¡¯s a horrible situation,¡± she says.

Returning to her job as a producer at Channel 7, just six weeks after commencing maternity leave, was also confronting.

¡°Mentally you check out, you think, ¡®Oh well, I won¡¯t be back for a year or two¡¯. Then all of a sudden I¡¯m walking back into work, dealing with everyone asking about the baby,¡± she says.

For Bree and Evan, knowing their son¡¯s death was preventable made the healing process even harder. Archie had been perfectly fine, Bree says; it was her placenta that hadn¡¯t ¡°done its job properly¡±.

She believes Archie might have been saved if her obstetrician had sent him to the hospital for heartbeat and movement monitoring, rather than simply checking his heart.?

¡°If you just check a heartbeat it doesn¡¯t tell you if the baby is unwell or in distress - it¡¯s still going to have a heartbeat. You¡¯re not going to know until it¡¯s too late,¡± she says.?

Bree is now an ambassador for the Stillbirth Foundation, and says educating expectant parents about the signs of stillbirth is crucial to reducing the death toll, which has increased by 13 per cent over the last two decades. One baby is stillborn in Australia every four hours.

Throughout her pregnancy with Archie, and the various prenatal classes and appointments she attended, Bree says she wasn¡¯t given any information about it.

¡°[Stillbirth] is unpalatable to some people. There¡¯s nothing sadder than hearing about babies dying, but because people won¡¯t speak about it it keeps happening.

¡°Wouldn¡¯t you rather have an uncomfortable conversation than to have this happen?¡±

Bree says she, too, would have benefited from knowing the warning signs to look for.?

At around 30 weeks pregnant, she says other people began commenting on how ¡®small¡¯ she looked; she didn¡¯t realise growth restriction was one of the major symptoms of stillbirth.

¡°I thought it was either because I was tall or had a long torso, it was my first pregnancy, all those things - I was making excuses in my head,¡± she recalls.

Again, her obstetrician had assured her the pregnancy was progressing normally and that her measurements were fine.

Bree urges expectant mothers to be aware of their baby¡¯s movements and the size of their bumps, and to act on their concerns.

¡°Front up to hospital and don¡¯t feel you¡¯re going to be a nuisance,¡± she says.?

¡°It¡¯s worth feeling like a nuisance, so don¡¯t even let that come into your head.¡±

"Hunter is the absolute light of my life." (Image: Instagram)

Following Archie¡¯s death, Bree says she was conflicted about trying for another baby.

¡°Part of me was like, ¡®I never want to be pregnant again¡¯. The other half of my brain was like, ¡®I want to be pregnant again right now, we were so close to having the family we wanted and I need to get back on track¡¯,¡± she recalls.

After struggling to conceive for 14 months, and undergoing IVF - ¡°a whole different kind of torture,¡± Bree says - she fell pregnant again.

While she was closely monitored throughout the pregnancy and had an ¡°amazing¡± obstetrician, Bree admits she ¡°didn¡¯t take a breath¡± for the entire nine months.

¡°I just had to believe that if anything was going wrong again they would pick it up, and I did believe that.¡±

Nine months ago, Bree and Evan welcomed their second son, Hunter. He¡¯s become the ¡°absolute light¡± of their lives.

¡°My husband and I are just obsessed with him. I always knew I¡¯d love being a parent but it¡¯s surpassed my expectations in every possible way,¡± Bree says.

¡°I felt like I would literally never be happy again, I really honestly believed that.

¡°But I am. Things don¡¯t necessarily get easier, but you definitely learn to live with it and cope a lot better.¡±

If you or someone you know has been touched by stillbirth, you can find information and support through the?Stillbirth Foundation?and?SANDS